MO's Political Royalty Descend on Kit Bond's Senate Seat

If you’re looking for political drama, may I suggest the 2010 Missouri Senate Race to replace retiring senior senator, Kit Bond.

The Players:

Sarah Steelman - Missouri State Treasurer (R) - recently lost the republican primary for Governor of Missouri to Kenny Hulshof (R), who went on to run against Jay Nixon (D). Nixon won the election to replace Matt Blunt (R), son of Representative Roy Blunt (R). Her husband is David Steelman, republican leader in the Missouri House and his father is Dorman Steelman, former chairman of the Missouri Republican Party. Steelman was highly endorsed by talking head and blowhard, Glen Beck (pre-FOX) for standing out against her own party. This video is quite good, in spite of the host.

Robin Carnahan – Missouri Secreatary of State (D) – daughter of Mel Carnahan (2 term Governor of Missouri), who ran for Senate against John Ashcroft in 2000. He died in a tragic plane crash with his son just weeks before the election. For the first time in Senate history, Carnahan won the seat after his death. His wife, Jean Carnahan, was appointed to his seat and served until 2002 when she was defeated in a special election by Jim Talent (who was recently replaced by Claire McCaskill). In recent news, Carnahan just went after investment advisors who give ill advice to senior citizens and has returned with reimbursement orders and substantial fines for offenders. http://www.bizjournals.com/stlouis/stories/2009/02/16/daily35.html?ana=from_rss

Roy Blunt – Missouri Congressman (R); Re-elected 6 times since 1996. Roy is the son of Leroy Blunt, former Missouri State Representative and the man (most) sick of being John Boehner’s bitch after losing out to him for the position of House Majority Leader in 2006 after replacing DeLay as interim. Blunt has made unsuccessful runs at both Governor and Lt. Governor in the state of Missouri and now serves as Minority Whip and grumbling mouthpiece for the Republicans, but has (recently) been quite absent from their televised outrage.
You can twitter Roy at https://twitter.com/RoyBlunt (That is irrelevant, but I found it hilarious!!! Who wants to twitter with Roy Blunt??? I don't need to twitter him because I can visit his satellite office anytime I want ~ it's in the mall right up from TJ Maxx ... )

* There was recently a rumor that Matt Blunt had planned to run for Bond's seat, but that unresolved personal property tax issues raised during McCaskill's candidacy, made that impossible.

In recent elections, Missouri has sent Claire McCaskill (D) to the Senate and Jay Nixon (D) to the Governor’s Mansion. During the presidential election, Missouri was the very last state to confirm its votes. Missouri’s 11 electoral votes eventually went to John McCain who received 49.43% of the votes, while Barack Obama received 49.29% of the votes – a very, very tight race by any standards.

Biden & Nixon in Springfield, MO ~ Oct. 2008

Losing Blunt in the House is not big news to Democrats and it won’t make or break their majority, however, the election of Robin Carnahan to Kit Bond’s Senate seat is a definite advantage.

All three candidates are very well connected and well funded. This promises to play out like a political cage match … stay tuned.

Chuck E. Cheese: Caesar's Palace for Kids

Yesterday, we hosted our very first Chuck E. Cheese Birthday Party. It will go down in the birthday history book as a success, everyone had a nice time and was well behaved, but I was left with a bad feeling in my gut …

Immediately, I realized why they call the mascot, Chuck. It’s in honor of the hundreds of tokens my kids “chucked” into their machines. On top of the 20 tokens included in the “Emperor’s” Package of birthday parties, the dozen little risk-takers managed to go through two hundred more. Actual cost of 200 extra tokens - $30.00 **with coupon.

The image of my young son depositing coins like a madman and chewing on a Twizzler was tantamount to watching my Mother, pulling slots and smoking a cigarette on a trip to Atlantic City. They both had the same wild-eyed look … only his payout would be tickets while hers would be a comp’d weekend, airfare included, and a plastic bucket full of shiny, new quarters.

The cherry coke flowed like whiskey sours and the tokens disappeared like dollar bills at a strip club. Tickets were bulging out of pockets and hanging around their necks as they ran from machine to machine, getting another digital-beeping-fix. Skee balls roared and tears were shed as the machine’s ticket-spewing mechanism jammed time after time. Unlike a real pit boss, the arcade attendant was quick to shove the scrunched and torn tickets removed from the machines into the greedy and sticky little hands of his eager clientele.

I started to wonder about the lesson of Chuck E. Cheese … what it’s teaching our babies, but there wasn’t much time … it was time for the “show”. Not Celine or Barry … just more Chuckie. Accompanied by our “hostess”, they sang half a dozen off-key songs. (I wondered if this was included in the package or if it was an add-on???) They kids were spinning and clapping … I was just waiting for one of the girls to rip off her undershirt and throw it at Chuckie with the understanding that he would inhale it deeply and shove it down his pants a la Tom Jones. Thank God, that didn’t happen.

After the gifts were opened and the cake was eaten, it was finally time to get the hell out of there and I was thrilled, until I was handed the bill. I folded it into a tight little square and sent the Hubs to pay at the register awaiting the scream of, “Somebody Call 911”. He managed to avoid a stroke, but I heard him on the phone as he walked back over to our party booth. I believe the exact quote goes something like this, “I just got screwed by Chuck E. Cheese and I didn’t even get kissed.”

We cashed in our chips … er, tickets, and proceeded to pick out tiny, plastic treasures destined to break or be lost before exiting the establishment. As they checked our fluorescent numbered hands, my son asked, “Can we come back tomorrow?”

I guess what they said in The Color of Money applies, “tickets won are twice as sweet as tickets earned” … umm, money … I mean money won.

Mary Martha Landsberger Strikes Again!

I mentioned recently that I was working on a hypothetical cookbook titled “Hypothetical Cookbook”. I’m sure I told you that this project is temporarily stalled and taking up an entire walk-in closet as I pursue other interests like a magpie in jewelry store.

Last night, I had another breakthrough … a new concept that will surely rock the foundation of crafting forever!

Let me warn you, this idea is incredible and so cutting edge that Martha & Mary will have no choice but to offer me ostentatious credits in their glossy magazines and pay me outrageous fees for my consulting services. Far better than that unadulterated hero-worship will be the outcry of gratitude from parents all over America and beyond.

They will chant my name at the kitchen table, card table, and coffee table … “Annie, Annie, Annie”! Vince, the ShamWOW dude will sell my wares on late night television and every mother, father, and child will, indeed, be saying, “WOW!” every time.

So without further ado, please let me introduce my newest creation:

The All-In-One, Total & Complete, Extra Large, NASA approved, Congressional Medal of Awesomeness winner ~ SOCIAL STUDIES PROJECT IN A BOX!!!

As I sat there, painstakingly applying glitter to the scales of justice, after two trips to the Hobby Lobby, it dawned on me that there had to be a better way. ~ Ann, Mother of 5, MO

Original offerings will include:

The Roman Republic: Complete with pre-pasted, glittery, golden scales of justice, a hand-carved, floral foam Pantheon, and a dozen, acid and lignin free, cotton bond scrolls in a plastic pot labeled “The Twelve Tables”

Life in Charles Dickens’ England: Comes with cardboard, pop-up, factory setting, complete with tuna can smokestacks and tragically injured doll holding a sign that says “For sale: baby shoes, never worn”. You will also receive, as a bonus, a copy of “The Great Stink … Corruption and Murder Beneath the Victorian Streets of London”, by Clare Clark.

The American Presidency: This is a double kit for families Republican or Democrat. Contains heavy-duty card stock masks of each president's likeness that tie in the back with 2-inch red, white, and blue grosgrain ribbon. Also included is a full script of either prolific quotes or scandalous gaffes. Oral reports will never be the same. (May also be used as Halloween costume or fun, party game.)

Suggestions for future kits should be made in the comments section below.

You’re Welcome, America.

"We Need To Talk"

My dissatisfaction with you has begun to take on proportions I could have never imagined.

You roll out of bed like the world owes you something for simply … waking. Please, put on your satin robe and realize that it does not. In fact, it’s you that owes the world something, you owe me something, and perhaps it’s time you figured out a productive form of recompense that doesn’t include disappearing into the damask with your face and your mind lost in someone else’s pages. Perhaps you could put a little heart into it … give it the old college try, click your heels together, flap your wings, I-think-I-can, I-think-I-can … or just pretend, I’ll settle for that, for now.

In spite of you, everyone gets out of here, morning after morning, on time, feeling loved, adored. You realize that that is what they deserve, but it’s no thanks to you. Too much, you take their love for granted, thinking it will always be there like the deepness of the Grand Canyon or the colors of the sunrise. Trust me when I say that it will not. They are growing and changing as fast as shadows and clouds and soon they’ll too big and too far away to touch, like kites on a strong wind, and that will be a very sad day for you … and for them. Sunrise will fade to sunset and you’ll have only whispers and regrets.

Regret is funny that way, you know, its long-term and short-term realities. I wonder how many regrets you accumulate on any one, given day. Is it possible to regret the mundane … heaps of laundry, the remnants of a good meal, the pillows askew? Do you even notice and if you do, do you even care? Oscar Wilde may have said, “Man is made for something better than disturbing dirt”, but I like to believe he wouldn’t have disapproved of pooling the taffeta just-so from time to time.

Is this ego perhaps, teetering at the pinnacle of something far worse? This is your home and the life you created and nurtured and every day we swim together in the inspired, blue-green waters of the gulf, sunbeams pouring in on us from every direction. We do this together, or we don’t do it at all and I need you.

The time for childish things has passed, you must clean up your toys and tidy your ruffles, make yourself back into yourself without anger or frustration or tears. Just fix it. Fix it now. Find your gratitude and your sensibility. Unfold your arms, positioned for burial, and let them fall freely and fully alive by your sides. Place your hands, so sweetly, over your heart and find yourself in your own rhythm. Remember who you are. Remember who you are.

And so, without further row, this little tête-à-tête must be put to bed. I’m setting this mirror down and I’m walking back out into the sunlight. Don’t follow me or do, but if you choose to, do it with all your heart. Nothing less is acceptable.

OMG!!! The BEST Valentine EVAH!!!

::Sigh ... Dreams do come true::

... I don't think the name is supposed to look like that ... is this a trick??? ... Who cares!!!

A Valentine's Striptease

Ooh la la

10 Signs That You're Watching Too Much Television

You know who Joshua and Tanyalee are
You can sing these words: Price Line Negotiator
You are a fan of Vince The ShamWOW! Dude on Facebook
You know when SharkWeek is
You know the 800 number for QVC by heart
You are dedicated to finding instances of irony between the crawl and the images on CNN
You’ve watched Bromance and/or Momma’s Boys more than once
You know which hotels Jim Cantore stays at when he’s on east coast hurricane duty
You call characters by the names of other characters they’ve played on other shows
You've considered ordering something from the Video Professor