When we had one child and lived in our hometown, it was easy … one sweet little girl, under the tree …Click. Stamp. Send. Mom happy.
Add one precious little boy … living a few hours from hometown. Little girl holds little boy beside a tower of presents. Little boy sleeps, little girl smiles a perfect smile. Send more than usual … Mom showing off a little.
Add another little baby boy … still living a few hours from hometown … maybe something different? The pumpkin patch seems like awesome idea, until picture is actually seen … NOPE!!! Kids in overalls climbing on hundreds of giant pumpkins are adorable until placed next to a snowman wearing a Santa hat. Thirty bucks … down the toilet. Generic “Peace On Earth” from Walgreens … Mom disappointed.
Add two more little boys … tiny crying babies … one thousand miles from hometown … too depressed to send any card at all. Big kids choose & send “Hoops & YoYo” from Hallmark online. Mom cries.
The next year … everyone growing … still one thousand miles from hometown … want to do something special … all 7 of us. Seek professional photographer … too late … all booked. Seek shaky-hand neighbor … she’s available. Dress everyone … move table … plug up tree. Change one’s shirt. Change another’s pants. Mom drinks.
Screw it … everyone put on pajamas. Sit down. Shut up. Smile, damnit! 79 pictures. Not one has everyone looking full of ...
C H R I S T M A S J O Y!!!
DAMN ALL OF YOU!!! Not one has everyone looking at camera or smiling. Jeez … time is running out. Must send family photo this year … must, must, must …
Message: Oh just screw it ~ Here's your card. Merry-Damn-Christmas.
(((Oh shit!!! We forgot the dog!!!))) Mom passes out in own vomit.
Maybe we'll just skip it this year ... save on stamps AND wine ... well, maybe on stamps.
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