Dear Johnny Baby,
OMG ~ Do you know how much I’ve missed you? A LOT!!! It’s been totally lonely around here without your cute little face on television … that smirky grin and your precious eye-rolling.
You know I have that old-guy thing, John …
I gotta tell you, yesterday, when you slapped that desk and raised your voice just a little, I have to admit, I got a Chris Matthewsesque thrill up my leg. “Mr. President, this is not change we can believe in!” Just typing it gives me another little shiver.
Oh John, thank goodness you’re back to save us from the nasty, excesses of government pork. I know that you know that pork in its purest form is purely evil … just like eating real bacon is bad for your heart. Seriously, your inspirational stance of never accepting pork projects for your home state of Arizona makes you, literally, one in one hundred. You’re a man of your word … porkless to a fault. That is so sexy.
MORE importantly, I would be remiss not to give you a special thank-you for proving that second-hand pork is NOT bad for you … just like having sex with someone who eats a whole brisket isn’t bad for your (own) heart. I can see how this might confuse a lot of folks and I think it’s just awesome that you’ve really demonstrated that second-hand pork is not only not-bad for you … it’s GOOD for you (for you in particular anyway).
Just in case you don’t remember what I’m talking about (‘cuz you are kind of … well, old) …it works like this … pork goes to organizations that are owned by people who give lots and lots of money to you while you scream at your colleagues that actually hand out the pork … you brilliant, brilliant man ... it's like eating a whole slab of ribs and losing 5 pounds.
Remember this guy:
Greg Maffei (Big Bucks McCain Supporter), CEO of Liberty Media that acquired The Associated Group (http://www.prnewswire.com/cgi-bin/stories.pl?ACCT=105&STORY=/www/story/06-01-1999/0000952334) from the Berkman Family (Even Bigger Bucks McCain supporters).
Liberty Media lists as their capital assets:
Sprint/Nextel Corp
Multiple media outlets including Viacom and Starz (Overture Films)
I don’t even think anyone noticed that those groups were the ones that just got fat on the bailout plan pork from before the election..
Don’t forget Bill France, Jr - (who died in 2007 ~ that’s so weird) was also listed as a hunormous donor on your supporter list. His family continues to own NASCAR who is partners with Sprint/Nextel Corp and has just received multi-millions from the bailout pork that was given out during your presidential bid … that kind of clever is totally sexy, John.
Keep on keeping it real, baby … I’ll be here … waiting for my next thrill.
Love,
Me
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