It’s that time again … time to get started on the Family Photo Christmas card. I have learned that the more kids you have, the more this practice is expected. It always seems like a good idea at first…
When we had one child and lived in our hometown, it was easy … one sweet little girl, under the tree …Click. Stamp. Send. Mom happy.
Add one precious little boy … living a few hours from hometown. Little girl holds little boy beside a tower of presents. Little boy sleeps, little girl smiles a perfect smile. Send more than usual … Mom showing off a little.
Add another little baby boy … still living a few hours from hometown … maybe something different? The pumpkin patch seems like awesome idea, until picture is actually seen … NOPE!!! Kids in overalls climbing on hundreds of giant pumpkins are adorable until placed next to a snowman wearing a Santa hat. Thirty bucks … down the toilet. Generic “Peace On Earth” from Walgreens … Mom disappointed.
Add two more little boys … tiny crying babies … one thousand miles from hometown … too depressed to send any card at all. Big kids choose & send “Hoops & YoYo” from Hallmark online. Mom cries.
The next year … everyone growing … still one thousand miles from hometown … want to do something special … all 7 of us. Seek professional photographer … too late … all booked. Seek shaky-hand neighbor … she’s available. Dress everyone … move table … plug up tree. Change one’s shirt. Change another’s pants. Mom drinks.
Screw it … everyone put on pajamas. Sit down. Shut up. Smile, damnit! 79 pictures. Not one has everyone looking full of ...
C H R I S T M A S J O Y!!!
DAMN ALL OF YOU!!! Not one has everyone looking at camera or smiling. Jeez … time is running out. Must send family photo this year … must, must, must …
Message: Oh just screw it ~ Here's your card. Merry-Damn-Christmas.
(((Oh shit!!! We forgot the dog!!!))) Mom passes out in own vomit.
Maybe we'll just skip it this year ... save on stamps AND wine ... well, maybe on stamps.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
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