Dear 3% Of Previously Undecided Voters

Dear 3 Percent of Previously Undecided Voters,


I am writing to offer my sincere apologies on behalf of Barack Obama & the entire Democratic party for bombarding you with enough media to sway your vote and move you from “undecided” to “decided”. Since it is not entirely clear as to which candidate you have moved your vote, I will assume that 100 percent (of your 3 percent) has moved into the Obama camp. According to McCain, Palin & Fox News, the outrageous overspending and unimaginable ratio of Obama ads to McCain ads (7:1) is the primary reason that Barack Obama is leading John McCain in the battleground states. Clearly, your vote has nothing to do with your personal values, tradition, or issues, but simply lies in your ability to watch 30-second television ads and respond appropriately. Perhaps you also have a penchant for being hypnotized and/or binge-eating after taking Ambien.


Undecided voters have been getting a lot of bad press lately, but I want to assure you that I am solely on your side. I have seen your numbers decrease rapidly … practically 3 points over the last twelve months. Unbelievable! Barack Obama’s donation-addicted, blind-hope followers are obviously on a mission to change America, which may or may not, but probably does, include controlling your mind with Sony HD. When a population such as yours is decreasing so quickly, it is only appropriate for the government party in charge to respond with vigor to alleviate these oppressive measures being used to fill your low-information heads with so much nonsense and gooballdy-gook. Thank you to Shep Smith for pointing out this brazen injustice plaguing pro-American voters who have lost their remote controls.


As a public service, and in defense of your choice-making disability, I am urging the Obama campaign to pull all 30 second ads off the air as of tomorrow, November 4, at midnight. Until that time, I suggest you read a newspaper or pick up a book or maybe phone a relative … just be sure to get to the polls. If you find yourself undecided again on the way to your polling place, I have a few suggestions to help you make up your mind:


Count yard signs – vote for the candidate with the most

Ask the person in front of you who they are voting for - go with that

Try doing “eenie, meenie, miney, moe” with your ballot

Close your eyes, turn around three times, and point to a name

Vote blindfolded


Good luck Decided-used-to-be-Undecided America. I hope you can find your way out of your house tomorrow and execute your civic duty! God Bless the Real (Dumb) America!


With Love,

Mother