When stress is at its peak, it's hard to stop and regroup. Take steps to help prevent normal holiday depression from progressing into chronic depression. Try these tips:
Acknowledge your feelings. If a loved one has recently died or you aren't near your loved ones, realize that it's normal to feel sadness or grief. It's OK now and then to take time just to cry or express your feelings. You can't force yourself to be happy just because it's the holiday season.
(you should also acknowledge that, your loved ones that are no longer with you are now free from the emotional and psychological hell that is family holiday gatherings … this may change your sadness and grief to full blown jealousy, thus making you completely pissed at lost loved ones not in attendance and thereby relieving all feelings of sadness & grief. I do not recommend vandalizing graves as a method of dealing with your new feelings, but drawing a curly moustache and pointy beard on old family photos is probably acceptable.)
Seek support. If you feel isolated or down, seek out family members and friends, or community, religious or social services. They can offer support and companionship. Consider volunteering at a community or religious function. Getting involved and helping others can lift your spirits and broaden your social circle. Also, enlist support for organizing holiday gatherings, as well as meal preparation and cleanup. You don't have to go it alone. Don't be a martyr.
(You may also want to seek support from these specific individuals: Jack Daniels, Robert Mondavi, Jose Cuervo, and/or Jim Beam ~ I enthusiastically recommend them for immediate and lasting results … although the lasting results are not always pleasant … for that I recommend 4 aspirin, 1 Dramamine, and a V8.)
Be realistic. As families change and grow, traditions often change as well. Hold on to those you can and want to. But understand in some cases that may no longer be possible. Perhaps your entire extended family can't gather together at your house. Instead, find new ways to celebrate together from afar, such as sharing pictures, e-mails or videotapes.
(This may be the best suggestion if you suffer from social anxiety and are prone to panic attacks when approached by crowds of old people, teenagers, children, and black sheep … especially if you failed to refill your Paxil because you were too busy testing your sweet potato soufflé recipe … two words … WEB CAM! Phone it in baby! Have your sister-in-law open the laptop on the kitchen counter and participate from afar … you can always cut out early due to “technical difficulties”.)
Set differences aside. Try to accept family members and friends as they are, even if they don't live up to all your expectations. Set aside grievances until a more appropriate time for discussion. With stress and activity levels high, the holidays might not be conducive to making quality time for relationships. And be understanding if others get upset or distressed when something goes awry. Chances are, they're feeling the effects of holiday stress, too.
(Best advice: the holidays are NOT the most conducive time to making quality time for relationships … just accept that (since you cannot accept your family members and friends and move on). Alternative: make yourself busy preparing food while wearing headphones … explain that all recipes are recorded on your ipod and you must listen attentively at all times … so you don’t make a mistake.)
Plan ahead. Set aside specific days for shopping, baking, visiting friends and other activities. Plan your menus and then make one big food-shopping trip. That'll help prevent a last-minute scramble to buy forgotten ingredients — and you'll have time to make another pie, if the first one's a flop. Allow extra time for travel so that delays won't worsen your stress.
(Plan to visit the pharmacy and party/ABC store (depending on your location). Do not skip this step or leave having time to "stop on the way" to chance. Stop early and often … you won’t regret taking the time the plan ahead.)
Learn to say no. Believe it or not, people will understand if you can't do certain projects or activities. If you say yes only to what you really want to do, you'll avoid feeling resentful and overwhelmed. If it's really not possible to say no when your boss asks you to work overtime, try to remove something else from your agenda to make up for the lost time.
(If you have kids, you should already understand this concept. As for your boss, perhaps overtime is just what the doctor ordered … this will keep you away from your spouse, kids, mother-in-law, etc. … and you will be making money … money that you can use for your “new” drivers license and passport when you finally decide to fake your death and relocate to Barbados.)
Don't abandon healthy habits. Don't let the holidays become a dietary free-for-all. Some indulgence is OK, but overindulgence only adds to your stress and guilt. Have a healthy snack before holiday parties so that you don't go overboard on sweets, cheese or drinks. Continue to get plenty of sleep and schedule time for physical activity.
(This relies on the fact that you practice healthy habits, which you probably don’t, but if you do … and you want a healthy snack before parties so you don’t pig out … I suggest … LOL!!! … I know crap about healthy snacks … but I can tell you that eating yogurt and then drinking yourself into a comatose state won’t make you feel very healthy.)
Take a breather. Make some time for yourself. Spending just 15 minutes alone, without distractions, may refresh you enough to handle everything you need to do. Steal away to a quiet place, even if it's the bathroom, for a few moments of solitude. Take a walk at night and stargaze. Listen to soothing music. Find something that clears your mind, slows your breathing and restores your calm.
(This pretty much speaks for itself … but if you can’t come up with something that clears your mind, may I suggest White Trash TV … you know … Cops, Cheaters, RepoMan … on second thought … this may remind you too much of an ex-boyfriendor relatives you are attempting to clear your mind of … I’ll keep working on this one!)
Forget about perfection. Holiday TV specials are filled with happy endings. But in real life, people don't usually resolve problems within an hour or two. Something always comes up. You may get stuck late at the office and miss your daughter's school play, your sister may dredge up an old argument, you may forget to put nuts in the cake, and your mother may criticize how you and your partner are raising the kids. All in the same day. Expect and accept imperfections.
(There’s no such thing as perfection, and somebody is sure to cross into your emotional space over the holidays … don’t sweat it … this is sure to get you out of anything that might set you up for criticism … BREAK SOMETHING! … an arm, foot, leg, heck, even a couple of fingers will get you off the hook for cooking) it doesn’t’ matter which body part (and you can even fake it if you’re creative enough) … it’s a free pass from cooking, socializing, and driving (for any reason)! You’ll be perfectly relaxed, watching television, while everyone else does all the work. I also suggest wearing a tiara and insisting that your ice be crushed (blame it on the Vicodin.)
Seek professional help if you need it. Despite your best efforts, you may find yourself feeling persistently sad or anxious, plagued by physical complaints, unable to sleep, irritable and hopeless, and unable to face routine chores. If these feelings last for several weeks, talk to your doctor or a mental health professional. You may have depression.
(Even if you don’t have depression, claim you do. They’ll talk about you behind your back, but they won’t expect much from you in conversation … feel free to sit in the back and work Soduku puzzles … but be sure to disguise your booze in a coke bottle or Styrofoam quicki-mart cup (you don't want to give the wrong impression!)
Good Luck & Happy Thanksgiving!!!
Gobble, Gobble, Wobble, Wobble
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